Christmas Gifts to Never Give a Spouse

Things to never give your wife:

• A frying pan, blender, or vacuum.

• A scale, either for weighing food or her body.

• Perfume you say you liked when you smelled it on another woman.

• A copy of the favorite recipe your mother always made for you.

• Slippers like your mother wears.

• A nightgown one size too small, cut to fit a child, made of polyester, with sleeves so tight at the wrists they could pass for tourniquets.

• A cleaning duster or anything that cleans.

• A pair of black leather pants.

  Things to never give your husband:

• Tickets to the opera.

• Stationary.

• Your favorite CD by Carrie Underwood.

• A book on managing finances.

• A red flannel nightshirt.

• Matching sweatshirts.

• A full-length body pillow.

  Choosing gifts for each other is no frolic through the meadow; My advice is to keep the receipt!

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