With Christmas Comes the Stains

In a lifetime, you can expect an average of fifty thousand stains, spots, and spills, twenty thousand of which will happen during the Christmas holidays.

Elon Musk can move to a new mansion if he gets Christmas pudding spilled on his carpet. If Carrie Underwood had a stained blouse, a million teenagers would try to match her. Unfortunately, most of us are stuck with the stains. All of which will come at the worst possible time and end up in the worst possible place. We all know the stain rules:

The bread always falls jelly side down, it is always in the middle, never on the edge, the red tapered candles will drip on the new tablecloth, the baby won’t burp until you are dressed for the party, the appetizers will be served on a one-ply paper plate, cooking grease will always find the part of the anatomy the apron does not cover, and nosebleeds only happen when you are wearing Dry Clean Only.

In the past, it was only mud, grease, hard candy, and chocolate you had to worry about. Today, you will come up against thousands of chemicals., hundreds of drinks, inks, paints, sprays, lubricants and cosmetics. No life is secure enough, no possession so well hidden that it can escape the long arms of stains. You have cells to help remove germs and viruses from your life, but nothing kicks in after the chocolate pie falls in your lap.

Now, I imagine you think I am going to give a bunch of unique spot removal tips or suggest some magic spot cleaner. Nope, when it comes to spots and stains, you are on your own as soon as they are on you.

Happy Holidays,

Schar